It Does Get Better

19 Jul

When you are bullied and constantly picked on, it is easy to feel victimized. You hide away from the rest of the world and feel undeserving of any happiness. If you’ve been called ‘fat’ and were truly affected by it, you’d starve yourself or purge in order to control  and/ or reduce your weight. If you’ve been called or treated as ‘ugly’, you would either do whatever it took to look ‘beautiful’ or simply accept it and hate yourself for it.

In most ways, bullying often leaves its victims feeling resentment towards themselves. The feeling that they will never be good enough. Not as a child, not as a sibling, nor as a friend and often this will carry on well into adulthood. These feelings often stick with a person and becomes very difficult to get rid of.

For a very long time while I was being bullied, I never felt worthy of my life. I felt that I deserved my unhappiness. That somehow I must have done something wrong. As the scars of the past slowly faded away, the resentment remained. Despite being at a healthy weight and size, I constantly checked the mirror for any flaws. I needed to be perfect. I turned away from meeting new people out of fear that they may judge me. I isolated myself and became so introverted to the point that I stopped being able to hold decent conversations with people. I questioned myself, my self-worth and just never felt good enough for anyone or anything.

It took time and a conscious choice to change my attitude. I decided that I was worth so much more than just being a victim. My bullies may have taken away my childhood but I refuse to let them take away any more of my life. At 22, I have so much more I want to achieve and so much more to live for. I realised that when I changed my attitude and stopped being a victim, I could see the good things I had going for me. I took a stand to show the world what I was made of and with that my self-esteem improved. I now couldn’t care less what people think of me. I live for myself and strive to improve my life on my own terms. I don’t owe anyone anything. If people do judge me and feel that I don’t fit in with society, well, that is their problem, not mine. As the saying goes, “those who judge don’t matter and those who matter, don’t judge”. That is one of the many mottos I have now chosen to live by.

So, to all of you who are or have been bullied, I just want you to know that it DOES get better. YOU have to make that choice to live life the way YOU want to. Life is like a road, there will be speed bumps along the way to slow you down, but you just have to keep going because once you’ve reached your destination, it would have all been worth it.

My experiences of being bullied have brought me to this point. I am now stronger, more confident and able to fight back. As the song goes, “this is a part of me, that you’re never gonna ever take away from me”. Sorry to disappoint you bullies, but you no longer have a hold over me and you’re not going to break my soul. I dare you to try.

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3 Responses to “It Does Get Better”

  1. Anonymous July 21, 2012 at 22:59 #

    It must be so hard to speak about your demons so publicly. You’re pretty awesome for doing this, and I am glad kids have people like you in the world for support. You would be helping so many people get through a lot of what they have to deal with, and half the time you wouldn’t even find out who you’re helping. To do something this brave without even really being able to see the rewards first hand is heroic.

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  1. Refuse to let poverty define you « - July 25, 2012

    […] It Does Get Better (throughawindshield.wordpress.com) Rate this:Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. Tagged: bahiyah shabazz, mental-health, personal development, Poverty, self awareness, self worth, Stephen Covey Posted in: Improved Results ← There are no best investments Be the first to start a conversation […]

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