Archive | September, 2012

Think Before You Judge

29 Sep

19 Sep

Anonymous Asked #2

18 Sep

Anonymous asked: I dunno. I’m just so tired of everything. I can’t be bothered trying. It’s too hard. All I want to do is sleep forever and never wake up. That way I never have to deal with all of this anymore. I dunno, I guess I’m just screwed up but I can’t help feeling this way.

This conversation had been going on for a few days and let me tell you, there’s a lot going on in this sweet person’s life. Things that actually hurts me to read. Above is just a snippet of what I received in my inbox today and it definitely needs addressing.

First off, if you are reading this Anonymous, you are not screwed up. Being tired is something everyone faces at some point. Not the ‘I’m tired because I didn’t get enough sleep’ kind of tired but the ‘I’m so sick of trying so hard’ kind of tired. I’m sure we’ve all been at that point, whether we’ve tried so hard to get that promotion at work or to do extremely well at school. For some, maybe it’s pure exhaustion from struggling every single day to eat healthier and exercise when it’s much easier to lay around in front of the TV eating junk food. Everything in life involves hard work and yes, at some point, some of us may just hit breaking point where we think “screw it, I just want this to end”. The reality though, is that people move on. They realise they’re exhausted and go about changing their approach. Maybe it involves taking a few days off and tending to their own needs or perhaps looking at things from a different perspective. It’s okay to feel ‘tired’. It’s okay to want the pain to end. The important thing to remember is to never give up! Someone once told me that pain is a sign that we are alive. It’s how we overcome the adversity that makes us who we are.

A lot of people don’t realise that suicide does not mean the person is wanting to end their life. No, it’s not about ending life. It’s about ending the pain. When I read that you wanted to never wake up, my first thought was that you must be in so much pain that you are willing to do something so drastic. That’s what it is in the end isn’t it? Suicide is about ending the pain but it is never an option. I know that it may seem like an easy way out, to stop the hurt you’re feeling but it’s also permanent. Once you take your own life, there’s no going back. You’ll never know if something fantastic was right around the corner, an opportunity waiting to happen. You’ll never know that your pain was actually only temporary and would go away in time. Why do something so permanent to fix a temporary problem?

Life is tough and bad things do happen. Some of the things that are happening in the world today are despicable but there’s also so much good in the world too. Pain does go away, eventually. It may not be an easy process and it will take a long time, but the scars and wounds will heal. The thing to remember is that everything you’re going through now will only make you stronger but you need to keep fighting.

Beware of the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

13 Sep

Imagine this. You meet someone and you click. You click in a way that you actually believe you could become friends with that person. For a few months, things go well. You chat about life, love, anything and everything in between. You’re most definitely friends. Then things change. The person starts to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable doing. You proceed with numerous attempts of telling them you’re not interested in those things and that even though you are both different, you have enough in common to maintain the friendship. The person refuses to accept this and starts to pressure you even more. Things turn ugly and your friendship is threatened.

Part of you feels that you should compromise or maybe even give in to the pressure to save what you believed was a good friendship. Was it really a good friendship though? You start to notice the subtle hints of the person’s true nature. They had been slowly playing you. Settling for a simple friendship to get you to trust them, to open up to them and when they had enough on you, things started to turn. The person was never a friend. They had an agenda all along.

Should you compromise your values and morals for the sake of a friendship? Should you do something you’re not comfortable with to fit in with this person, to save the friendship and to perhaps fit in with their social circle? Is it worth it? The answer is simply, NO.

There will always be genuine people out there who will truly be your friends but equally, there are several people out there who will always have an agenda. True friends will never ask you to go beyond your morals or ask you to do something you are not comfortable with. Friends who do, who then attempt to threaten you or make you feel unworthy of friendship are not your friends. You don’t have to change yourself for anyone other than yourself. If you’re not comfortable doing something, don’t do it. If you lose the friend, so be it because you’ll make new ones. Friends come and go. Some, last a lifetime. If you have genuine friends who you trust, who would never ask you to compromise yourself then consider yourself very lucky.

Remember this, there will always be someone out there with an agenda but you don’t have to comply with their needs. You don’t owe anyone anything other than yourself. Keep those who are genuine close but stay away from the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Anonymous Asked #1

12 Sep

Anonymous asked: Hi. I wasn’t comfortable asking anyone I know personally this because they’ll just say I’m being stupid so I thought I’d ask you and a couple of other bloggers I follow. I’m 15 and I don’t have many friends but there’s this one girl who I got along really well with and she’s a good friend to me but lately she’s been really bitchy to me. I don’t know what changed but she’s stopped talking to me and I’m sure she hates me now because she talks about me behind my back. I know she does this because I overheard her one day. She was like my best friend but now I don’t know what to do because what she’s doing really hurts me. What do you think I should do? Do I confront her or do I keep quiet coz she doesn’t know that I overheard her. I don’t understand why she hates me.

On occasion I receive messages asking me questions and most often I reply through e-mail but when I received this question I thought it best to post it on the blog as I’ve actually had two other questions similar to this.

First of, I don’t think this question is stupid at all. A lot of girls go through things like this in High School. I sure did and a couple of my friends did too. You’re definitely not alone!

Situations like this can sometimes be a little tricky. I wouldn’t really ‘confront’ her in an attacking manner as that could potentially cause some dire repercussions. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to ask to speak with her privately. Talk to her calmly and tell her that you’ve noticed that things have changed in your friendship. Tell her how this change makes you feel, that you are not sure what happened but it feels as if the two of you are drifting apart. I wouldn’t mention that you feel she hates you and that you heard her talking about you behind your back. Try to keep things neutral to gauge her reaction and her response.

If she explains what changed then great. If she reacts in a mocking manner or tries to belittle you in anyway, then she isn’t really worth it, because at least you tried to salvage the friendship. Give her the benefit of the doubt though. Maybe she’s going through a rough time and acting out as a way to cope. Give it time and be patient. Things may change. If not, that’s okay too because there will be other friends. Try to focus on the things you enjoy doing for the time being to take your mind off this situation.

Thank you, Anonymous, for the question and I really hope everything works out for you 🙂

7 Sep

Whether it’s your own child, or a student of yours, the following is an example of a way of asking a question that can lead to a profoundly positive change in your relationship… and it can be used with all of the most uncomfortable, scary or emotionally charged issues. It’s not soft and it doesn’t lessen your authority, in fact, it magnifies your authority and role models courage… and more importantly, it gets the result you want:

“So, I’m going to ask you a pretty direct question, and it’s not to make you uncomfortable or because I want to tell you what to do or what not to do, I just want to be sure that you fully understand what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it.” 

Obviously, it’s a long lead in to ask a question, and it’s geared more towards adolescents than younger children, but there is a…

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7 Sep