Archive | Questions RSS feed for this section

A Question I Often Ask Myself: Is Being Good Really Bad?

4 Oct
good_girl_wooden_sign_L

good_girl_wooden_sign_L (Photo credit: CapesTreasures.com)

Many of us are taught from a young age that it’s important to be nice and to treat each other with respect and kindness. We are told that being a good person, who does good things without seeking a reward, is what takes us further in life and that in a round-about way, good things will come. It’s almost similar to the law of attraction theory isn’t it? Where if you believe in the positive and you send out positive vibrations, you will, in turn, receive positive results.

 

I’ve tried so hard to live by this. I try my best to be nice to people, to be a good person and to live a clean, healthy life. I don’t go out of my way to hurt others or do anything that would cause conflict. In fact, I’m the sort of person who idly sits by and tries to placate others to avoid conflict. If someone attacks me verbally, I don’t fight back. You may think this is cowardly but it’s far from it. The way I perceive it, if I fight back, the other person will then become more aggressive and things will just get messy. If I accept it, walk away and ignore it? There’s no mess.

 

Recently however, I’ve started asking myself why. Why am I being a good person? Good people seem to often get tossed aside than those who are a little nasty, bitchy or just plain mean. Good people are the ones being taken advantage of. Those who are nice are according to some, unattractive, which supports the saying of “nice guys finish last”. Innocent people, who have done no intentional wrong in their lives are the ones, most often, being hurt the most. Maybe I’m generalising. There are, after all, 7 billion people in the world. However, the basis of my questioning is due to being surrounded by people who go through the same things I do. Good people who do good just seem to have bad luck. Does karma even exist?

 

One of the things I’ve found really hard to deal with is the harassment and endless questioning I receive when I tell people that I don’t drink. By drink, I mean alcohol. It has nothing to do with religion or anything else and everything to do with the fact that I choose not to drink. The way I see it, I can have as much of a good time being sober, so why start drinking? More and more though, I’m starting to wonder. By trying to live clean, I get passed over. No one wants to party with the girl who doesn’t drink. Who would want to be around someone who can’t join in on the drinking games and fun? Why bother with someone like that? Sometimes it hurts knowing that all the good I’m trying to do gets me nowhere. No one wants to be around the good girl. I can’t understand why. I may try to be a good person but that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun. I’m not a prude. I don’t mind being around people who drink or want to party excessively. So really, what’s so wrong? What has the world come to where people who do bad things, who are corrupt, who lie and cheat get ahead? This is something that baffles me.

 

Remember my friend who was stood up for being “too nice”? She wasn’t alone. On the other side of the world, another friend is currently battling the same problem. Being passed over because she genuinely is a nice person who cares about people.

 

The thing that I suppose is important to remember is that life is what it is. Bad things happen. You sometimes lose. How I get through is by choosing to live in the present and to hope for the best in the future. Someone I admire once said that in order to make it in life, you’ve got to adapt and improvise. Keep being the best you can be. Practice being kind and respectful to others even if it gets you nowhere. You never know where it could eventually get you.

 

Advertisements

Anonymous Asked #2

18 Sep

Anonymous asked: I dunno. I’m just so tired of everything. I can’t be bothered trying. It’s too hard. All I want to do is sleep forever and never wake up. That way I never have to deal with all of this anymore. I dunno, I guess I’m just screwed up but I can’t help feeling this way.

This conversation had been going on for a few days and let me tell you, there’s a lot going on in this sweet person’s life. Things that actually hurts me to read. Above is just a snippet of what I received in my inbox today and it definitely needs addressing.

First off, if you are reading this Anonymous, you are not screwed up. Being tired is something everyone faces at some point. Not the ‘I’m tired because I didn’t get enough sleep’ kind of tired but the ‘I’m so sick of trying so hard’ kind of tired. I’m sure we’ve all been at that point, whether we’ve tried so hard to get that promotion at work or to do extremely well at school. For some, maybe it’s pure exhaustion from struggling every single day to eat healthier and exercise when it’s much easier to lay around in front of the TV eating junk food. Everything in life involves hard work and yes, at some point, some of us may just hit breaking point where we think “screw it, I just want this to end”. The reality though, is that people move on. They realise they’re exhausted and go about changing their approach. Maybe it involves taking a few days off and tending to their own needs or perhaps looking at things from a different perspective. It’s okay to feel ‘tired’. It’s okay to want the pain to end. The important thing to remember is to never give up! Someone once told me that pain is a sign that we are alive. It’s how we overcome the adversity that makes us who we are.

A lot of people don’t realise that suicide does not mean the person is wanting to end their life. No, it’s not about ending life. It’s about ending the pain. When I read that you wanted to never wake up, my first thought was that you must be in so much pain that you are willing to do something so drastic. That’s what it is in the end isn’t it? Suicide is about ending the pain but it is never an option. I know that it may seem like an easy way out, to stop the hurt you’re feeling but it’s also permanent. Once you take your own life, there’s no going back. You’ll never know if something fantastic was right around the corner, an opportunity waiting to happen. You’ll never know that your pain was actually only temporary and would go away in time. Why do something so permanent to fix a temporary problem?

Life is tough and bad things do happen. Some of the things that are happening in the world today are despicable but there’s also so much good in the world too. Pain does go away, eventually. It may not be an easy process and it will take a long time, but the scars and wounds will heal. The thing to remember is that everything you’re going through now will only make you stronger but you need to keep fighting.

Anonymous Asked #1

12 Sep

Anonymous asked: Hi. I wasn’t comfortable asking anyone I know personally this because they’ll just say I’m being stupid so I thought I’d ask you and a couple of other bloggers I follow. I’m 15 and I don’t have many friends but there’s this one girl who I got along really well with and she’s a good friend to me but lately she’s been really bitchy to me. I don’t know what changed but she’s stopped talking to me and I’m sure she hates me now because she talks about me behind my back. I know she does this because I overheard her one day. She was like my best friend but now I don’t know what to do because what she’s doing really hurts me. What do you think I should do? Do I confront her or do I keep quiet coz she doesn’t know that I overheard her. I don’t understand why she hates me.

On occasion I receive messages asking me questions and most often I reply through e-mail but when I received this question I thought it best to post it on the blog as I’ve actually had two other questions similar to this.

First of, I don’t think this question is stupid at all. A lot of girls go through things like this in High School. I sure did and a couple of my friends did too. You’re definitely not alone!

Situations like this can sometimes be a little tricky. I wouldn’t really ‘confront’ her in an attacking manner as that could potentially cause some dire repercussions. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to ask to speak with her privately. Talk to her calmly and tell her that you’ve noticed that things have changed in your friendship. Tell her how this change makes you feel, that you are not sure what happened but it feels as if the two of you are drifting apart. I wouldn’t mention that you feel she hates you and that you heard her talking about you behind your back. Try to keep things neutral to gauge her reaction and her response.

If she explains what changed then great. If she reacts in a mocking manner or tries to belittle you in anyway, then she isn’t really worth it, because at least you tried to salvage the friendship. Give her the benefit of the doubt though. Maybe she’s going through a rough time and acting out as a way to cope. Give it time and be patient. Things may change. If not, that’s okay too because there will be other friends. Try to focus on the things you enjoy doing for the time being to take your mind off this situation.

Thank you, Anonymous, for the question and I really hope everything works out for you 🙂