Tag Archives: led on

A Different Kind Of Cruelty

4 Jul

I didn’t get quite as many suggestions for topics as I hoped so here’s a post based on something that happened to someone I know.

*Please note that this was written almost as a one sided account, based on the feelings related to me, in order to stir up some healthy debate.


Cruelty. It takes on many forms. It is inflicted upon animals and human alike yet what is televised and reported in the news are only those that are of a ‘serious nature’. Is everyday cruelty not serious enough? The cruelty of being led on only to be rejected? The cruelty of someone dangling an object of your desire within an arm’s reach yet never being able to touch it? Doesn’t that count as serious? Maybe not.

To some however, that rejection stings. The hope of achieving something only for it to be snatched away. In some way, that’s just life and a lot of us are forced to deal with it but other times, it is just plain mean and nasty.

Take this girl I know for example, let’s call her Sarah. She had met a man at a bar and had been texting as well as e-mailing back and forth with him for about two weeks. He seemed decent enough and she was willing to take a chance on him after he had asked her out for coffee. She wasn’t exactly excited or thrilled beyond belief that she had a date but neither was she unhappy at the prospect.

Twenty-four hours after the invitation to coffee was sent, Sarah frantically prepared for her date. Just to be sure, she sent the man a message to confirm their meeting point.  This was the reply she received:

“I’m sorry but you’re too nice for me. I’m really sorry but I’m just not ready for all this. I have a lot of stuff to deal with and you shouldn’t have to be put through that.”

Now, Sarah, who wasn’t at all desperate or excited for the date, started to tear up. The man she had been conversing with had played her for a fool. He had given her the hope of possibly meeting a nice genuine guy and did a complete 180 on her. Doesn’t that sound cruel? What could have possibly happened to have suddenly changed his mind about Sarah in twenty-four hours? There are two possibilities:

1) He was a coward who couldn’t man up and be honest enough to tell Sarah that he was not interested; or

2) He had found someone else in the meantime, possibly during a day time date before his scheduled coffee date with Sarah that evening, and could not be bothered telling the truth, quite possibly to protect Sarah from being hurt.

Well, she got hurt anyway.

Both options clearly show the deceptive and game playing mind set of this young man. Could he have not been honest with her and mentioned that he had met someone? Couldn’t he have sent her a message earlier in the day to let her know beforehand? That, I believe is cruel behaviour that should never be inflicted upon any person. Why? Because Sarah spent that night questioning herself. Was she really too nice? What did that mean? Does the fact that she’s a decent human being mean that she will never find love? Because she’s too nice? Will she be alone for the rest of her life? Is she ugly? Was it her? That is exactly the kind of questioning that leads to heartache and pain, because that is when we start to question if we’re good enough. Our self esteem goes out the window and self doubt kicks in, which is replaced most often by self-hate. The mind games and deceptive conduct of human beings occur in such small ways that often it is too isolated to acknowledge. Unfortunately, it does happen and is by far the worst form of cruelty, in my opinion, because self hate is often the last straw before someone completely loses themselves.

What do you think? Would you approve of that man’s behaviour? Was it acceptable? Would you, as women, doubt yourself after receiving that kind of message and finally, would you accept it?